I have used Tarot and Faery to look into your question.
You are feeling lost right now because you are starting to transition into your true self.
You are looking for real truth, your reason for being here and want to connect with others like you. You want to live your life according to your authentic self and cannot deal with putting on the mask anymore.
Help is coming! Try to keep your emotions balanced - use the element of water to help calm you.
I would be honoured to help you and look into this more deeply.
It is very good that you want to connect with the universe, but as human beings we should also be grounded and in touch with the universe. I would suggest you to go to nature, if you have the conditions. With bare soles on the ground and outstretched palms to the sky, ask for guidance. It would be good if you spend at least 30 minutes in nature every day, barefoot, and follow your thoughts and feelings. You will start to feel different and to experience synchronicities, the guidance of the universe.
Your cards show such confusion in the past , but there are signs this will soon come to an end. You are so focused on finding your true self that you are missing you already have such a strong connection to the universe with your bonds in the people you connect with everyday. Help is around the corner as long as you are willing to accept what the future has in store for you. Determination to change your world will enable you to expand your horizons so try not to dwell on past mistakes. I hope this helps .